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November 25 2017


merry xmas or whatever

praise the universe; the season of love and compassion has arrived. fittingly, my friend maria - no kidding - is expecting.

what she kinda wasnt expecting is that being a future single mom doesnt leave you with an endless parade of babyshowers and bliss.

she knew she opted for the tough road when she decided to go through with the pregnancy on her own. we were expecting lewd comments about the missing dad in the picture. a shitload of administrative work, endless visits to the doctor.

reality has bitten us in the arse, though. being a future white, single mom of a black baby, with an uncle with downs syndrome and two good friends with various ailments, seems to be THE prime example to show misogyny, racism and ableism all in one go.

so, here we go indeed. on the way, there is her female doctor, saying that if she suspected the kid might have the same challenges ahead as her uncle or her close friends it was generally a 'normal' risk and she didnt see any point in letting my friend have the according tests to figure it out - even though she would've had to pay for them out of her own pocket anyway. saying that if that scared her so much, maybe she shouldnt have become pregnant in the first place. - she was 4 months into the pregnancy at the time; abortion not even being an option anymore.

then there's other friends and her customers (she works self-employed in a medical profession) - saying they ofc they mean well and, you know, nothing against the baby an all, but with the dad not being around and society being like it is, if it maybe wasnt better to abort the kid - its black, after all, and who would wish such a life on anyone (!). also, there'd be plenty of time to have other (white??) kids in the future. - i could now argue that even jesus wasnt white but then again, i dont rly feel like arguing any of that shit mentioned above.

next: family in eastern germany. as some of you might've heard, varying on he region, eastern germany has around 20-40% voters of right-wing parties. i warned my friend about moving back there, for fear of what the neighbours might think, say or do. what i didnt calculate when making an estimation on the best place for her to raise a kid, was parts of her own family calling the baby in her womb a 'nigger' and a 'bimbo' (!).

on top of all that, bodyshaming a pregnant woman seems to be a quite common thing; especially, when she was curvy to begin with. but seriously, what sorta cold-hearted arsehole calls an future mom wobbly, fat, and having a lack of self-control - especially since she has been doing nothing but working and losing weight ever since she got the good news.

i am truly at a loss for words here. i dont know where to begin to criticize this, idk how to fix any of this either - it seems so embedded into peoples minds, with all of them actually believing they were saying the right things and meaning well.

i wish folks would take a moment, next time they wanna offer advice, to consider five things:

1. was the advice asked for?
2. do i have all information to see the entire picture?
3. could my advice be followed-up on? (like, telling a woman to abort when she is over the legal limit to do so sure aint gonna help anyone!)
4. could my advice potentially be hurtful and if so, could i put it any other way? 
5. is it rly any of my business?

if any of the answers to those five question is no, i am hereby kindly asking you to shut the fuck up. for yours and everyones sake, hell, for heavens sake, even.

merry xmas or whatever. have a good one :)

October 05 2017


so, 'the left' has been wondering why it cant reach 'the working class' since the 19th century.
in more than a hundred years, this mystery hasnt been solved.

maybe its got to do with a few of these:

even tho i went to uni, i never felt quite right there. even when i had a post-graduate job while studying for a bachelors degree. it was the classmates who made fun of my piss-poor lunch 'do you wanna eat all of this alone'?
it was some other student who, while i was campaigning against study fees, said that '500 euro per semester is nothing, rly' before she drove off in her brand-new volvo, that her granddad had gifted her (hey, whats 80k for a car anyway....).

it was the professor who ruined my masters degree in the end, when she refused to let me into one of the last classes on adult education - because i couldnt afford to buy her book (!). i still remember that day, i left my uni crying and now that i am sitting here, remembering, i still do.

it was the years of being a student with a handicap - who never got any help; instead i had able-bodied folks coming to my house, to help them with their assignments - for food. they have since all long-finished their degrees, while i gotta keep fighting.

its the professor who discriminated against me for standing up to nazis, telling me that the npd was 'a legitimate democratic party' - while firing me on the spot and taking all of my funding in the blink of an eye, for trying to stand up for whats right.

the same professor discriminating against me during my masters exams, for still disliking a leftie - and getting away with it, even tho i am crippled, was traumatized by a murder-suicide at work 2 weeks before said exam and didnt have any alternative to delay the exam - for financial and legal reasons; i was facing unemployment and wouldnt have been allowed to keep studying on unemployment leave.

its the 6 months i spent in a womens shelter during my studies, where 1 friend came to visit - and 2 relatives. nobody even cared where or how i was living, how i was doing at uni; in a field that deals ENTIRELY with human behaviour and social structures.

its the five years i got my groceries from the food bank, despite having crazy workdays, studying, delivering pizza and being the head of the university paper (till i left cause one of the writers felt the need to harrass and grope me and nobody cared enough to get rid of him).

- these days, its the lifestyle. this nonchalant presentation of borrowed and stolen riches; the pompous foods and holidays you show off without even thinking how hurtful this might be to someone who never did enough wrong to deserve to have - nothing, rly, in comparison.

it is living in a city full of opportunities but no ways to get there, cause all the roads have already been taken by someone with a bigger portfolio of privilege.

most of all, tho, its the lacking reflection. this kindless and thoughtless consumption, while the rest of the world has, on average, 5 dollars a day to spend.

i sometimes wish i hadnt started studying; its not even been a rocky road; it was like having to carve it out of a mountain, to have others walk your path while you are taking a break from exhaustion.

these days, i am almost ashamed to be part of the 'upper class' on paper while being working class in principle and lifestyle, cause really, i get why 'the working poor' despise what your way of living represents:
that its OK for you to have cocktails in rooftop-gardens, while the rest of the world slaves away satisfying your needs.

who ever thought we would live in a world where folks are proud to work at google and other places, where the highest-paid workers dont only get an overly large wage - but tons of benefits besides.

benefits, as anyone who has studied social science should know, were meant to rid people of their disadvantages - so, why isnt it the cafeteria workers and janitors at google who get food and healthcare for free? and any wage that is non-liveable is a dying-wage, if we are honest. (if you dont believe me, check life-expectancy charts for poor and rich folks)

it feels like anyone with an income over 10k/month cant be bothered to take care of themselves anymore; where they can waste an entire 'normal peoples salary' on a juice-package pressing machine, get an uber while their driver probably sleeps in the car during shifts and even have their friggin toilet-paper home-delivered in 'cases of emergency'.

the only emergency i see here is the current state of our global 'elite'.

the same elite that starts start-ups to 'save the world' and then spends all of its funding on pricey dinners for the business angels, an endless parade of flights for all developers (cause, hell, why not travel like crazy with global warming and, wait, ONLINE-CONFERENCES), and travel-expenses per day that could feed anyone else for an entire month.

its folks taking my idea of a 'change-conference' outta my hands, to turn it into an event for rich, white, mostly male IT newcomers, while charging 16 euro per day per person for community-kitchen style food alone. (!)

like, rly, everyone who ever studied and wonders why the working class sometimes has it in for them - kindly take a look at what your actions say - they are usually way louder than your words.

February 23 2015

2864 95c3 500
summer, i miss you...
2855 b7eb 500
like my dear mama put it: oh, dancing trees <3
2830 db36 500
Reposted byfujitsuh fujitsuh
2823 360c 500
Reposted byphenethylamine phenethylamine
0644 c5c1 500
and yes, thats the moon :D

July 09 2014


November 19 2013


common mistakes

feminism doesn't aim at oppressing anyone, it just aims at giving everyone individual freedom.

we don't live in an equal society. theoretically, we all have the same rights. but please don't hesitate to ask any given single mother, colored or disabled person for their opinion and a description of their daily lives regarding the topic. or google gender pay gap.

feminists dont just want rights for women, we want them for everyone. like, guys are just as qualified to raise kids as women. same goes for trans, queer, whatever. no need for any awesome dad to complain about not raising your offspring; the 90% of single parents that are female would happily share the workload.
we don't think every ballet dancer is gay. same goes for hairdressers. and if they are, we don't care. we don't judge people by their ability to behave according to standard, we judge them on whether or not they are a good person.

we dont wanna make everyone the same. it is, au contraire, society that wants that. but oddly enough, the ones wanting to give every child the opportunity to become the person they wanna be are being perceived as the oppressors. it's quite funny how an autocratic system turns you into an aggressor of you try to tackle the problem. ^^

did you know that children as young as 3y old have learned that a broom belongs to a picture of a woman? this fact drove me so mad, i'm still waiting for all the angry witches to come out of the closet.

78% of all women in indonesia agree that it's ok for a husband to beat his wife if she doesn't wanna have sex with him. this coming from a country where almost a quarter of all guys are rapists. no surprises here. yet, in western countries, people argue that we have a genetic disposition to behave in certain ways. so, are you telling me that having a kid with an indonesian guy, even if he was born in the west, would give a woman a 23% chance of raising a rapist? or do you think the beauty and weakness of the indonesian girls was genetic and the origin of the problem?

you see where this goes, any argument claiming a dead-sure genetic disposition for certain behavior fails to see certain aspects, such as society, education and individual freedom of choice. basically, it dehumanizes is us on a very deep, personal and emotional level.

when people say things like: women are like this, men are like that, they're actively excluding and dissing others. maybe you never thought of it this way, but, for example, by telling me that women were horrible in politics, weak, non-competitive and not meant for leadership, you're assuming i don't have those skills. secondly, once you realize that i in fact need those qualities for my daily work, you're, implicitly, saying i was not a woman. hell, i've had truck drivers patting me on the back, saying i should've been a guy. i'm 1.71m tall and hardly weigh 53kg due to a thyroid condition; i'm not exactly the security personnel type. still, my natural non-emotional way of handling non-personal issues, such as work or administrative stuff, leads to 100% of all people writing my name down as 'alexander' - with me standing in front of them, long-haired hippie girl in 3 colorful skirts.. no kidding.

to link stereotypes in looks to stereotypes in behavior is horrible; to have mismatching looks and personality is a personal disaster. yet this again only accounts for our western societies.
i imagine the female fighters from the israeli army would fail to understand anyone's claim of women being the weaker gender.

i really wish for a society without those binary gender codes. there are so many among us that neither on a hormone nor physical nor social interaction level belong to any of those extremes.
of course you need to put people and their actions into perspective in relation to the world. just, like all clichés, everyday sexism robs us of the opportunity to have any real interaction with someone. also, who knows, you might enjoy wearing pink skirts - took me 20 years though.

everyday life gets more complicated than it needs to be when you make all assumptions based on binary gender code. for example, many women underdress if they want to go food-shopping in peace. on the other hand, some of us use their bodies as a means of getting things... such as money, holiday trips or power. the constant trade of beauty and power turns dating and life in general into a huge maelstrom leading exactly nowhere. we're creating more of what the world doesn't need: shallow human interactions based on stereotypes most of us are struggling to fulfill.

making a general distinction between people has never turned out right in all of human history. we were able to overcome the difference between the nobility and the working poor, we make an effort to eliminate racism, imperialism, and all other sorts of despotic regimes; we should be able to fix this one ;)

July 30 2013


dear pirates

'so, the pirates are going to hell... well, no wonder with all the shitstorms, interior conflicts and that media coverage... what HAVE you been doing at all that wasnt already in the news?'

it took me some very deep breaths to tell my friend we'd talk about all the different levels of wrongness in a single question after i'd slept for a bit....

we get to hear crap like that all the time. as much as i am an idealist, a hacker and a full-time activist, as much do i hate being a politician.

ok. so we dont have an answer to everything.
ok. so we're mostly beginners in our latest field.
ok. we make mistakes. we fight. we argue. we discuss. at least we try. at least we still talk to each other.

first of, dont get to thinking that any other political party was any different... if only, they are a hell of a lot worse. all other parties have (at least) 3 factions: realists, idealists (whatever they believe in..) and some lose individuals on the edges... what they all have in common is one thing: they vote with the rest of the sheep.

you guys and gals out there do nothing but complain. over a bunch of hard working pirates who really really try their best. you're so busy smashing our work, our hopes and our spirits that you turn a blind eye on the established system which, meanwhile, continues to fuck you over, over and over again.

also: what do YOU do? you rly think voting every now and then is gonna make the world a better place?
and then you keep reading & watching the mainstream media and blame us for the image they're presenting to you. without any sort of reflection.
like, some guys insulting each other on twitter shouldnt be considered news.

dont you realize that someone has an interest in making us look bad? and who might that be?

you dont inform yourselves properly, you use the established channels for getting information and you dont have any second thoughts on the things that are NOT in the newspapers or on tv.

i know that the world has gotten more and more complicated with globalized capitalism but thats no excuse to give up. cause thats what you actually do. you have given in to the system, you believe their propaganda and you accidentally joined the pack of wolves you claim to be fighting...

it's good to be at ohm right now, to try and see things from the outside and come up with new ideas for the upcoming election - cause the atmosphere at work is poisonous, partly because of you, your ignorance and your tiresome questions.

you might wanna look at the local pirate factions homepages... there IS media coverage on all the good things we do. you just need to wanna put a slight effort into it. but since we're actually doing all the work, a little reading on your side isnt too much to ask for, is it?
Reposted bypowerToThePoepleRK

February 02 2013



liebe pirat*innen, eichhörnchen etc.
mein morgenmuffeltum hat mir gerade ein bein gestellt, noch während ich im aufstehen inbegriffen war. zugegebenermassen waren meine tweets eben etwas undifferenziert und ungehalten, aber die wut, die sich in den vergangenen 2 jahren bei der piratenpartei und in den letzten 32 jahren in der gesellschaft angestaut hat, die musste gerade einfach mal raus.

ja, ich habe ein problem mit marina weisband. kein persönliches, habe sie nur einmal kurz getroffen & dann gleich wieder stehenlassen.
ihr werdet euch fragen warum...

als emanzipierter mensch, als tochter zweier feminist*innen, als nerdige frau, fühle ich mich bei den piraten nicht repräsentiert. wenn man mich zum kegelclub einlädt mit der massgabe, ich solle dieses sagen, das verschweigen und vor allem, mich 'mal anständig anziehen, einen rock und bissl schminke' (!), dann läuft hier was falsch. wenn mir meine kumpels aus dem berliner landesverband sagen, sie hätten marina und zuse nur 'wegen der geilen hupen' gewählt, dann kommt mir das kotzen.
wenn ich dann zu allem überfluss zwei heterosexuelle frauen sehe, die besoffen vor einer horde gröhlender heteromänner rumknutschen, dann verlasse ich die veranstaltung.

systemaffine frauen wie marina, die gleichzeitig vorgeben, uns alle zu repräsentieren, über die möchte ich gleichzeitig lachen und weinen. wie kann es sein, dass wir proklamieren, wir wären postgender, während unsere ehemalige (!) bundespressesprecherin ohne mandat weiter durch die medienlandschaft zieht, und dann mit so einer ausstrahlung? ich glaube nicht, dass die bösen mainstreammedien marina deshalb zur playboy-politikerin des jahres gekürt haben, weil sie so eine eloquente, gebildete frau ist.

und dann dieses elendige gerede, sie wäre politikerin. politiker*in ist imho immer noch ein mensch mit amt und würden. ist ja schade, dass die medien und das establishment nicht einsehen, dass wir themen statt köpfe wollen; noch schlimmer finde ich, dass wir dieses und andere klischees so bereitwillig bedienen.
es ist mir inzwischen egal, ob ich meinen job verliere, weil ich das hier schreibe, oder aus der partei geworfen werde. die richtung, in die wir uns in den letzten 2 jahren entwickelt haben, ist keine, in die ich jemals gehen wollte.

unsere bundestagskandidat*innen geben ein ähnliches bild ab. wo zur hölle sind die ganzen lebenserfahrenen frauen? von einigen angenehmen ausnahmen abgesehen muss man die mit der lupe suchen. da wollen mädels ins parlament, die weder ein studium abgeschlossen haben, das für diese arbeit relevant wäre, noch sonstige kompetenzen mitbringen, die man zwingend bräuchte. einzig das herz am richtigen fleck und ein paar brüste sind noch lange keine qualifikation.

postgender, das heisst, den menschen wählen, der am besten geeignet ist. findet ihr es nicht seltsam, dass 10 jahre jüngere frauen einen anspruch erheben, wenn es besser qualifizierte männer gibt, die den gleichen job wollen? und inwiefern ist das kein sexismus?!

January 02 2013


we need to talk? YOU need to listen!

dear friends and affiliated lifeforms of all sorts... dear hackers.

the fire created by the incidents that led to the current blogpost from asher wolf (this one here:   http://asherwolf.net/dear-hacker-community-we-need-to-talk/101/   you should read it!) has not even gone out whilst another one has arisen again. my heart is burning with rage and hope both at the same time.

you wanna know why? i just finished my first ever online computer game without being (sexually) harrassed and or threatened.

i have played that game, league of legends in this case, for more than a year now. have an educated guess: what did i do differently this time? right, i paid a shitload of money to change my nickname, from n3rdyg1rl to alphakiller 81.

it was actually my bf's idea, i never thought it would be so easy. i behaved like i always do, i even fucked-up during both games i just played, despite the fact that i usually do great, but still the other people finally treated me like a human. even when i started to rage a little over a teammate, the people did get mad but not humiliating.

wanna know what it used to be like?
it starts with the enemy team, who often greet girls with: 'oh, u a girl? i'm gonna rape you.' (!)

i tried everything, not replying, complaining, explaining, ... nothing rly works. if you expect any sort of sympathy from the others who didnt harrass you in the first place: get out of online computer games. people don't give a shit. those mostly well-bred white male kids chill out at home while their fellow asshole teenagers scare the last girls off the server...

i'm very happy to be old enough now to deal with that crap, and having a bodyguard-trained bf with a lot of courage and a huge heart. otherwise, i think at some point even i might get scared.

its always the same pattern: the loser of the team picks the girl and blames her. even if i was 3lvl further in the game than that idiot, the others would usually agree with him or dont say anything at all. after that, it doesnt matter what you say or do, if you want peace, you can only mute them. :/

you might think now, its just a game.

when people come to your teamspeak server and tell you that now they got your IP and will come over to your home and kill you (! yes, over a freaking 20min round of a stupid game!) i rly think the fun is over.

what actually worked best was to either get my male friends or my bf to talk to them. or horribly threatening them myself. but seriously what shit is this? i dont wanna tell a guy who greets me with rape analogys that i'd love to come over to his place and fist him so hard his eyes would start bleeding, just to shut him up. just to get treated like any other 'normal' gamer.

which brings me to the next step.
do you fellow male citizens rly all believe the world was your playground only? even the more enlightened ones are surprised by girls playing compy games, going to hackercons and showing up at the local hackerspace.

you know what? this may come as a surprise to you but WE ARE IN FACT THE MAJORITY. WE ARE THE 52%

we are the largest minority in history.

and you dont even think about us, unless including sex.

that horrible gang-rape that ended in a tragic and terrible death of a woman who had all her life in front of her didnt leave you speechless. you just didnt talk about it. i dont know a single woman who didnt show severe signs of stress and sadness over the incident - but a lot of guys. you should be ashamed that you dont give a fuck.

instead people have taken to making fun of those who try to make a difference. i almost threw up over the first 5 mins of hacker jeopardy on 29c3. a bunch of privileged, miseducated, well-meaning nerds who didnt even get how insulting their 'jokes' really were.

i dont care how smart you claim to be. if you dont learn to treat women with respect asap, i swear to eris, i will break your freaking noses unless the bad of you (get) shut up and the good finally start acting with us. not for us, not in the patronising way.

seriously, you arent only responsible for what you do but what you let happen to others cause you think its not your problem. it is. as long as you are human.

Reposted byzutrinkenlotterlebenwillidFreXxXpowerToThePoeplegilbsterNorkNorklordminxunique-entityRedDrag0nzweisatzMissDeWordeanabeephilipsteffanSirenensanglubiisiscircumvexakellerabteil02mydafsoup-01majninacat

September 11 2012


dear friends

we had so many aspirations when we met

we wanted to change everything for the better
no matter what the future may hold
or so i was told.

some put their memories in the garbage can
- oh man, you have really lost your way
sorry to say.

history is doomed to repeat itself
if you just keep walking
and put yours on a shelf without looking back.

you think you could keep your dreams for tomorrow
but it's never gonna come
if you drown yourself in pity and sorrow.

growing up isn't moving on
its just the same old song.

we had so many aspirations when me all met.
now one of us is dead.

September 08 2012


"conservatives" - bite my shiny metal ass

after a long and interesting political debate i came to realize something.
politics, globally, is a fucked-up thing. orly, you will think, but i might have an idea how to slip the idea of a better world into the public opinion.

society, nowadays and everywhere, is based on fear. fear of others, like a common interior or exterior enemy, fear of being left behind, fear for your own existence.
humans are designed to adjust badly and slowly to change, yet change, whether we like it or not, is the only thing that is for certain, except for death.

as we talked to a friend from palestine tonight a thought crossed my mind: even the terminology in politics is wrong. and that's a huge part of the problem.
the average human is focused too much on surviving and fitting in with society to care too much about politics. we usually watch some news at night but we don't look too deeply into matters that are either out of our range of interests or geopolitical location.

thing is, the worst mistake we make is the local one. in every country you have a "conservative" entity, party, group of power. they claim they want to stick to tradition and preserve our values...

as i said, the only thing that is for certain is change.
if we still had the traditional laws in europe we used to have in the middle ages, it would be ok to kill someone in broad daylight, as long as you could pay the bloodprice but you'd be hanged for stealing a couple of rolls. not really sure, if that made anyone nowadays happy.

if you take a closer look, tradition usually means protecting the property of a minority, political, religious, military elite, you name it.

conserving vegetables and fruit is great, for a time. but slowly but surely even good things turn bad over time.
pretending to want to conserve values that haven't worked out for most of us is like claiming you'd be willing to eat anything that's been canned for 60 years.

rotten food kills you in the end, even if it keeps you from starvation for a little. it doesn't taste that good, either, from my experience.

if you really want to make a change, start with yourself. that includes your own political groups. as long as we as a global social movement don't get ourselves to overcome (personal) prejudice and work together for a greater good, our political opponents will have no reason to believe anything we say.

may you grow on the obstacles put in your way. hasta la victoria siempre.

September 05 2012

soviel glanz & gloria
keine substanz, iq wie die orks in moria...
der leere schein von deinem kleinen licht
- ich möcht so gern ein hipster sein
dann schmerzt das leben nicht.

August 28 2012

Reposted frommuotipoju muotipoju

August 27 2012


dear proud parents

it's understandable that you want your children to grow up as free as possible. it's important for kids to be able to play, to enjoy the company of others and express themselves freely.

if you're living in a (sub)urban environment that actually means, you need to take your kids to the next best playground. you know why? cause we have rights, too.
my bf usually works nightshifts, today till 8 in the morning. even though we keep the blinds down while still sleeping, we got woken at midday by some self-centered bitches children who kept screaming right in front of our window (ground floor) for about 10 mins while their cow of a mother was talking to someone.

as i opened the window to check if the noise was going away any time soon, the first thing i heard was an angry: "what the fuck do you want". i said "well, you know, we usually work at night, thx for waking us up." the answer: "it's the middle of the day."

what does that have to do with anything? we are human. we all deserve some quiet and peace and even though it might be legal to let your kids scream like crazy in the daytime: there's a reason why we got so many playgrounds in the city (berlin).
it's not really a question of what is legal and what isn't. i could be having parties till 10pm each day, just... have an educated guess how much our neighbours with children would love that...

what i think you'd need to teach your kids is social skills, responsability and that living together means to make compromises. if you feel your children should be running around screaming all day, why don't you move to the countryside, where nobody cares? stress is known to make people sick, why do you let your kids annoy the shit out of the whole neighbourhood till people get so mad they set your 2k prams on fire?

i actually like kids, just not the self-centered little bastards that get raised by a 40y old mother who believes she's raising the next einstein.

your kids don't need yoga in kindergarten or japanese in grammar school if they come out as antisocial rats who don't know shit about modesty and some consideration on the impacts of your own actions.

i'm currently thinking about breaking my rule not to drink. seems like the perfect day for getting drunk in front of the kindergarten down the road. it's legal, right?

p.s.: dear hipster mom from earlier on: imagine my bf was a doctor and your offspring got sick. you so sure you'd want a doctor to operate on your kids who only slept 4 hours last night?

August 21 2012

1344 bf3a

August 20 2012

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